One of the Tech Leads here came to me asking about a developer on their team and why they haven’t progressed. They have been at the company for years, but always at the same level, never promoted. They asked me “What do you think of this? Why was he never promoted?”

I had the answer, so I gave it.

I told him that the developer didn’t ask for a path, and so louder developers got the attention. I compared this developer to another one who went off and learned a new language in their spare time.

The tech lead then asked about a second developer and how I would approach growing that developer. I gave him advice on how I would grow the individual asking him to “step up, learn new things, and start being more vocal”.

It was good advice, but it wasn’t the right approach. What I missed was I didn’t ask the TL what he thought. He came to me with two questions about his people and I answered them both as if it was my people. He left the conversation with my answers, not his.

I was telling him to develop his people by giving them ownership. I was doing the exact opposite with him.

A few weeks later this happened again, a different TL, asked me how I would handle a constantly underperforming developer. I laid out the options, a direct conversation, a structured plan, and perhaps a chat with the dev’s previous boss.

Again, I told him how I would solve the situation.

Catching myself

I’d like to say that I caught this pattern. That would be a lie. Claude did.

All of our meetings have Gemini running in the background creating summaries after the fact. It was only after reviewing these summaries with Claude that I realized this was happening.

That’s when I needed to stop and reflect on what was happening.

Why advice is easier

Someone comes to me with a people problem, I tell them how I’d handle it. Someone’s unsure about a process, I explain the approach. Someone’s navigating a tricky stakeholder, I map out the politics and hand them a plan. It works. It’s fast. They leave the conversation with something actionable.

It’s easy, and it feels productive.

But it creates a dependency, a bottleneck. If I always have the answer, they learn my answer rather than solving the problem themselves. And next time this problem comes up, they come back to me, not because they can’t figure it out, but because subconsciously I trained them to.

Redirecting instead of answering

Rather than answering the question immediately, I’m redirecting and asking follow-up questions.

A TL says: “I have a developer who’s been stuck at the same level for two years. What should I do?”

Rather than laying out the whole approach, I may ask something like What’s your read on why they’re stuck? Is it a skill gap, a motivation gap, or something else?

I have been collecting a handful of questions that I can use in these situations.

“What’s your instinct here?”

This works when they bring me a problem. It forces them to lead with their thinking before I layer mine on top.

“What have you already considered?”

This prevents me from repeating something they’ve already thought of. It also signals that I expect them to have been thinking, which over time changes what they bring to the conversation.

“What have they told you?”

Gets them to think about asking the person directly what is going on. It gives a different perspective that might be needed.

“What would you do if I wasn’t here?”

Is blunt, but it’s the most revealing. It exposes whether they actually need input or just want someone to confirm what they’ve already decided.

“What would you need to feel confident making this call?”

This is the one I should have used with the TL with the underperforming dev. Perhaps we would have gotten to the same conclusion, but he would have owned it.

50% feels right

I don’t have this all figured out, as the title suggests I’m trying to get to 50%. I have sticky note reminders on my monitor, and for this one it reads “ask questions first” to remind me to stop and think if I am giving advice, or if I’m helping the person find the answer.

The goal isn’t 0% advice, I am their manager and at times they need my experience and perspective. The goal is making sure that when I give advice, it is rooted in their thinking, not mine.

Fifty-fifty feels right. Half the time I share what I know. Half the time I shut up and let them work through it. That’s the target. I’ll let you know when I get there.